Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the doctor said, 

"You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you
still have intercourse?"  

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said..

She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:

"Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush . 

You could hear a pin drop. 
Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times...

                               Blue Cross!

author unkown                                                                                                      sent in by Arnie

Lol Friday: Doctor and 86 year old man

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly checkup...





The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

'So what do you think about that Doc ?'





The doctor considered his question for a minute and
Then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter
And never misses a season.'




One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane
Instead of his gun.'

'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver
Sitting at the water's edge.




He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot
The magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed
It at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went
'bang, bang'.,'

'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else  
Pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

author unkown                                                                                               sent in by Will

Please if you know anyone looking to buy or sell call me at 215 992 1735 or 215 820 3376

How the World Works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off
while Slicing salami at work,
He sues the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family sues the Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He sues the bartender.

If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..

And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
sues the airline.

I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS
is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to sue Bill Gates.

author unknown

sent in by arnie

Think of buying or selling please call for your free home information kits  215 820 3376

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' 

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' 

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two 
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. 

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself 
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!) 

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.. 

The women won.

Author unknown

sent buy Elaine

A man and a woman who had never met before,

but who were both married to other people,

found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a

trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,

they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,

he in the upper berth and she in the lower.


At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently

woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am,


I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing

to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.'


'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,

let's pretend that we're married.'


'Wow!..................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.


'Good,' she replied. ..............'Get your own 'flippen blanket.'



After a moment of silence, ........................he farted.


The End

author unknown                              sent by elaine

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' 

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' 

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.      
 
 For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. 
 
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

author unkown

Two Garbage Bags   

 A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two
 large plastic garbage bags behind her.

 
 One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20
 bill falls  out onto the sidewalk.  Noticing this, a
 policeman stops her, and
 says,  'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of
 your bag.'

 
 'Oh, really?   Darn!' says the little old lady.
  'I'd better go back, and see
 if I can  find them.  Thanks for telling me..'

 
 'Well, now, not so  fast,' says the cop.
  'How did you get all that money?'
 'You didn't steal  it, did you?'   

 'Oh, no', says the  little old lady.  'You
 see, my back yard is right next to
 the football  stadium parking lo t.  On game days, a lot
 of fans come and pee
 through  the fence into my flower garden.  So, I stand
 behind the fence with
 my  hedge clippers.  Each time some guy sticks his thing
 through the fence, I   say, '$20 or off it comes.'

 
 'Well, that seems  only fair.' laughs the cop..
  OK?  Good luck!  Oh, by the
 way,  what's in the other bag?'  
 'Well, you know',  says the little old lady,
 'not everybody pays.' 

author unknown

pictures are by Hannah Williams not to be duplicated without permission .HelpfulHannahs.com is a Real Estate website please visit it if you are interested in information about homes or any information about the Philadelphia or Bucks County Pennsylvania area or call me direct 215-992 3376 or by cell 820-3376 i will be glad to assist you.Unless otherwise noted, the content, both written and in pictures,are the property of Hannah Williams. If you wish to use something you see here,( please ask for permission) Most likely I will oblige, with a link back to my original content as well as an acknowledgment. Thank you to all my friends,neighbors and clients who allowed my to use their photos and videos maybe you will get to Hollywood!

To SEARCH for HOMES PLEASE VISIT HELPFULHANNAH,COM

For Local NEWS and ViEWS Helpfulhannahs.com

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
  After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is
  everything going?" inquired God..
 
  "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are
  breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
  just one problem.
 
  It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two
  out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on
  branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.."
  And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs,
  breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".
 
  "That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you
  know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half
  of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
 
  And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
  bushes
  Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
 
  " Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
  "Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the
  animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the
  animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
 
  God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could
  I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a
  man from a part of you. Let's see.....where did I put that useless boob?"
  Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Author unknown

pictures are by Hannah Williams not to be duplicated without permission .HelpfulHannahs.com is a  Real Estate website please visit it if you are interested in information about homes or any information about the Philadelphia or Bucks County Pennsylvania area or call me direct 215-992 3376 or by cell 820-3376 i will be glad to assist you.Unless otherwise noted, the content, both written and in pictures,are the property of Hannah Williams. If you wish to use something you see here,( please ask for permission) Most likely I will oblige, with a link back to my original content as well as an acknowledgment. Thank you to all my friends,neighbors and clients who allowed my to use their photos and videos maybe you will get to Hollywood!

To SEARCH for HOMES PLEASE VISIT HELPFULHANNAH,COM

For Local NEWS and ViEWS Helpfulhannahs.com