Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

 Friday Funnies :Enjoy Coffee On Me

Marlene and Arnie from Delaire Landing Condos sent me this card it is so cute perfect for Friday Funnies I hope you enjoy it .Remember it is all in Fun and "Laughter is the best medicine "

Call Hannah Williams at Re/Max Eastern 215 953 8800 to buy or sell your home .That is not a laughing matter it is serious business;but today is Friday enjoy your Funnies . HannahReMax@Gmail.com

brought to you by www.cartoline.net

A florist went to a Barber for a haircut.

   After the cut, he asked about his bill,

The cop was happy and left the shop.

   The next morning when the barber went to

and the politicians who run it.


BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8818

sent by LILLY

         215 820 3376 cell phone        author unknown

Friday Funnies: What is it

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one  
Michael J. Fox has a small one.           
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

Answer below! (this is pretty good )









A Last NAME

What Did You Think It was?


Get your Mind Out of the Gutter!!!!

author unknown

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

sent in by Arnie from Delaire Landing

Man Oh Men

A couple is lying
in bed. The man says,

'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world...'

The woman replies,
'I'll miss you.......

----------------------------

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

-------------------------------------------

Q: What do you
call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

-------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------



Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be
men.

--------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you
call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy..

Sent in By Elaine Feldman               author unknown

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up
your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down
your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised
Land."



Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of
Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night
thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings,
Social Security, retirement funds, etc . .... .I called a Suicide Hotline.
I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a
truck!

author unknown

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

sent in by Arnie from Delaire Landing

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our faiths.

Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The Rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the Rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

"I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.

author unknown

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

sent in by Arnie from Delaire Landing

Why, Why, Why



Why do we press harder on a remote control when

we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds'

when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say

there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?



Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,

but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use

the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator

with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something

that's falling off the table you always manage

to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm

as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons

are suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends --

if they're okay, then it's you.




Have a good day.... Life is good!

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

 sent in by Cynthia author unknown

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply                                              
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
HydroTax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax                                                 
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
--- and in 2010 the HST

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?



Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago, &

our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class,

and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.


What in "Heck" happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone