Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

IRISH VIAGRA              



An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on

reviving. Her husband's libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor.


“Not a chance”, she said. “He won't even take an aspirin.”

“Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an 'Irish Viagra’. Drop the Viagra

tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week

to let me know how things went.”


It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to

her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was

horrid! Just terrible, doctor!”


“Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.


“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost

immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants

a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth

flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on
the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”

“Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, “Do you mean the sex your husband

provided wasn't good?”



“Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin'

here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

Author unknown                                              sent in by annie

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and
Dad's house for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and
has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to
school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up
yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back
to school!'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Larry up
yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, fine, tell me what you think.'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue.'

author unknown                                                   sent by Craig

Very Short Story

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

Thought For the Day:


If men would just listen



Joke was sent by Annie                                                                 Author unknown

THE POTTY

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,

SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK.

BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN,

GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND

HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.

BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"



BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

 A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver and saw a
card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in
and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies
ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their
underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing
oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."


"The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings , MT ,
 that's about 550 miles from here."


"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now."


Andy                                            author unknown              
sent in by Will   

My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.



May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for
$100 bills.


May love stick to your face like Vaseline
 and may laughter assault your lips!



May happiness slap you across the face
and may your tears be that of joy



May the problems you had  forget
 your home address!



In simple words ............



May 2010 be the Best Year of Your Life
From My Home to yours...this was sent to me 

It was so wonderful I had to blog it

Happy New Year!



  

Redneck Medical Terms

Texas Boys

Benign.................What you be after you be eight.

Artery.........................The study of paintings.

Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria.

Barium..............What doctors do when patients die.

Caesarian Section............The Italian part of town.

CATscan...........................Searching for kitty.

Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.

Colic....................................A sheep dog.

Coma...............................A punctuation mark.

D & C.............................Where Washington is.

Dilate...................................To live long.

Enema....................................Not a friend.

Fester......................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula....................................A small lie.

Genital.............................Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series.........World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail...................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain.......................Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff.........................A Doctor's cane.

Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.

Node........................................I knew it.

Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear...........................A fatherhood test.

Pelvis.........................Second Cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative.......................A letter carrier.

Recovery Room..................Place to do upholstery.

Rectum...........................Damn near killed him.

Secretion............................Hiding something.

Seizure.................................Roman emperor.

Tablet..................................A small table.

Terminal Illness..........Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor..................................A couple extra.

Urine..........................Opposite of you're out.

Varicose.............................Near by/close by. 

 author unknown

sent by arnie