Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an old lady , she was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, ‘I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?’

‘I smoke ten cigars a day,’ she said. ‘Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have sex, and I don't exercise at all.’

‘That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?’

‘Forty,’ she replied.

sent in by Arnie and Marlene from Delaire Landing Phila Pa 19114

author uknown

Thinking of Buying or Selling your Home?

Call me ! 215 820 3376 

215 953 8800

This morning on the freeway,

I looked over to my left and there was a


Woman

In a brand new
Cadillac

Doing 65 mph

With her
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds...

to continue shaving

And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,

Still working on that makeup.

As a man,
I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much;
I dropped

My electric shaver

Which knocked

The donut
Out of my other hand.

In all The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car

Using my knees against
The steering wheel,

It knocked
My Cell Phone
Away from my ear

Which fell

Into the coffee

Between my legs!

Splashed,

And burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

Ruined the damn phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an
Important call.

Damn women drivers!

Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!

I get the job done with a smile and experience!   

HelpfulHannah Philadelphia Real Estate

Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800

 215 820 3376 cell phone

 sent in by Arnie author unknown

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

Taken from papers written by a class of
8-year-olds.

You'll love it:
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of
their own. They like other peoples.'

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we
come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.
It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.


When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like
pretty leaves and caterpillars.


They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and
also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?'
and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we
ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother,
 especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups
who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack time before bed time,
and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED.
''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER,
 WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT,
 WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS,
BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

sent by Arnie                                                                                            author unknown

Laughter is the best medicine!
Buying or Selling a Home is no joke!
Call Hannah Williams  at Re/Max Eastern
215 953 8818 for a free consultation

call my cell phone 215 820 3376

we laugh at your blonde jokes!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided

to wash his sweat-shirt.



Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,

he shouted to me,

'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'



'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'



He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ...'



And they say blondes are dumb...

---------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'

Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,

'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if

I mowed the lawn like this?'



'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,

sensitive man?

A: A rumor
------- ---------------------------------------

Author unknown                                                                                       sent in by Elaine

Laughter is the best medicine!

Remember to always look at the bright side of life!

Thinking Of Buying or Selling in the Phila,Bucks

or Montgomery County

Area

Please Call Me

I just had to reblog this post !

It was so nice to watch after a long day at the office!

Please take the time to watch this!

I think you will enjoy this as much as I did!

IRISH VIAGRA              



An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on

reviving. Her husband's libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor.


“Not a chance”, she said. “He won't even take an aspirin.”

“Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an 'Irish Viagra’. Drop the Viagra

tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week

to let me know how things went.”


It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to

her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was

horrid! Just terrible, doctor!”


“Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.


“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost

immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants

a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth

flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on
the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”

“Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, “Do you mean the sex your husband

provided wasn't good?”



“Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin'

here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

Author unknown                                              sent in by annie

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and
Dad's house for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and
has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to
school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up
yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back
to school!'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Larry up
yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, fine, tell me what you think.'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I
gave him my airplane glue.'

author unknown                                                   sent by Craig

Very Short Story

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

Thought For the Day:


If men would just listen



Joke was sent by Annie                                                                 Author unknown

THE POTTY

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,

SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK.

BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN,

GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND

HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.

BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"



BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

 A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver and saw a
card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in
and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies
ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their
underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing
oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."


"The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings , MT ,
 that's about 550 miles from here."


"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now."


Andy                                            author unknown              
sent in by Will