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THE POTTY

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,

SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK.

BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN,

GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND

HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.

BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"



BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

 A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver and saw a
card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in
and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies
ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their
underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing
oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."


"The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings , MT ,
 that's about 550 miles from here."


"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now."


Andy                                            author unknown              
sent in by Will   

My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.



May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for
$100 bills.


May love stick to your face like Vaseline
 and may laughter assault your lips!



May happiness slap you across the face
and may your tears be that of joy



May the problems you had  forget
 your home address!



In simple words ............



May 2010 be the Best Year of Your Life
From My Home to yours...this was sent to me 

It was so wonderful I had to blog it

Happy New Year!



  

Redneck Medical Terms

Texas Boys

Benign.................What you be after you be eight.

Artery.........................The study of paintings.

Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria.

Barium..............What doctors do when patients die.

Caesarian Section............The Italian part of town.

CATscan...........................Searching for kitty.

Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.

Colic....................................A sheep dog.

Coma...............................A punctuation mark.

D & C.............................Where Washington is.

Dilate...................................To live long.

Enema....................................Not a friend.

Fester......................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula....................................A small lie.

Genital.............................Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series.........World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail...................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain.......................Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff.........................A Doctor's cane.

Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.

Node........................................I knew it.

Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear...........................A fatherhood test.

Pelvis.........................Second Cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative.......................A letter carrier.

Recovery Room..................Place to do upholstery.

Rectum...........................Damn near killed him.

Secretion............................Hiding something.

Seizure.................................Roman emperor.

Tablet..................................A small table.

Terminal Illness..........Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor..................................A couple extra.

Urine..........................Opposite of you're out.

Varicose.............................Near by/close by. 

 author unknown

sent by arnie