Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

*** BABY’S FIRST VISIT ***



A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.



“Breast-fed,” she replied.



“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.



She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.”



“I know,” she said, “I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.”

author unknown       sent by annie

Four Jewish ladies were sitting around playing Cards

 The first
         lady says, "You know girls, I have known you
 all for such a long time,
         and there is something I must get off my chest. I
 am a kleptomaniac. But
        don't worry, I have never stolen from any of
 you and never will. We have
        been friends for too long."

  Second of the other ladies
         says, "Well, since we are having true
 confessions, I am a nymphomaniac,
         but don't worry. I have not hit on any of your
 husbands, and never will,
         they don't interest me. We have been friends
 for too long."
 "Well", says the third lady, "I too must
 confess. The
         reason I never married is that I am a lesbian, but
 don't worry. I will
       never hit on any of you. We have been friends for
 too long, and I don't
       want to ruin our friendship."
 The fourth lady stands up
         and says, "I have a confession to make also. I
 am a yenta, so please
         excuse me, I have a lot of calls to
         make.

author unknown                                                            sent by arnie

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS

AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER,

'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.


THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM.

THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'


THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS

AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,

'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'

'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'


'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER

 HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'


'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK,

AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW.....

TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!

author unknown                                              joke sent by craig

THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.

' But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.

'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.

'Love dress? But you're naked!'

'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.

'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

' What are you doing?' he asked.

'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?' 

    
Always Remember This:  
You don't stop laughing because you grow   old, 
You grow old because you stop laughing

sent by Craig..author unknown

Subject: Rent