Philadelphia Real Estate Helpful News and Views

Dust if you Must
LADIES!!! Remember...a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it.

A house becomes a home when you can write
 'I love you' on the furniture.

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect -
in case someone came over.
Finally I realized one day that no one came over;
they were all out living life and having fun!

NOW, when people visit,

I don't have to explain the 'condition’ of my home
They are more interested in hearing about the things
I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!

Dust if you must .......
but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture
or write a letter, bake cookies or a cake

and lick the spoon or plant a seed,
ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time . . ... ...
with soda to drink , rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
 music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must,

but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes,
 the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around, again.

Dust if you must , but bear in mind,
old age will come and it's not kind.

And when you go - and go you must -
 you, yourself will make more dust!

author unknown                                                                                 sent in by Elaine

MURDER AT WAL-MART...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage,
 a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy
 on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for
 snuffing out a spouse was $5,000..

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front,
 so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
 Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as
down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local
Super Wal-Mart store.
 There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded
to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting
 woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor ...

The manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the murder scene.
Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie
 had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings
 were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's
security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store ..

Under intense questioning at the police station,
 Artie revealed the whole sordid plan,

including his unusual financial arrangements
 with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...











(You're going to hate me for this ...)









'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'




Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends.  Arnie sent it

author unknown

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,                     

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and
Attitude will get you there, its theBullshit andAss Kissing that will put you over the top.






Now I know why some people are where they are!

A Blonde calling her mom.......... :

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware"

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the  head."

"What on earth - why did you do that   ?????"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker!!!!!!

author unknown                                 sent in by Arnie

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Old Lady: I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words,

what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch,

 on a warm spring evening, when a young man came creeping

up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good.

Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just lay down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"

And that's when I shot the little bastard!

author unknown                                             sent by annie

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book.. It's called ........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'


2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.


5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies.. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.


7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.


8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.


9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can..
 
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'


11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way...



13. Be who you are and say what you feel...

because those that matter... don't mind...and those that mind...don't matter!

author unknown                                  sent by  Arnie

This will crack you up! Have you ever misplaced your keys?  Forgotten names?? Here is the secret

Misplace your keys and glasses twice a day? You'll recognize yourself in this hilarious "video" by comedian/speaker Mack Dryden.

I almost forgot that it was Friday.Therefore I think this is a perfect "video" to post.

Friday is my favorite day on ActiveRain.It is the day I post my Jokes.

So I hope you enjoy this "video" instead of my standard jokes..

Here is the "video"

ODE to FORGETFULNESS

July, 1947
 
 Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over
 60 years a go, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying
 object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep
 and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .
   This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
 by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
 
 However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of
 April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the
 following people were born:
 
 Albert A. Gore, Jr.
 Hillary Rodham
 John F. Kerry
 William J. Clinton                                     
 Howard Dean
 Nancy Pelosi
 Dianne Feinstein
 Charles E.  Schumer
 Barbara Boxer
 
 See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?
 
 I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of
 things for you. It did for me.
 
 No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!
 
 Now You Know.
    
 



 author unknow                                                                                                                    this joke sent by arnie