A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. 
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
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There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said,
'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' 
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said,
'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
author unkown
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Thank you for the giggly start to a Friday morning, Hannah (even though it's not quite Friday). :)
Heather..Busy schedule tomorrow and I didn't want to forget..Glad you enjoyed it..Thank you
HELPFULHANNAH
haha ! - Wipe that smile off your face !!! lol....I know that look :o) LOL !
Cute, cute, cute!
I wish I had to eat the seven lemons...
Featured for LOL Fridays.
Thank you for always brightening up my day!
LOVE IT!!! I grew up Catholic and these ring true. Brought back a few memories.
Great jokes, thanks for posting them.
Hannah, I see you're from the Catholic part of town =)
Let's finish this week strong,
Paul
Hmmm, wonder if my creditors would accept me rubbing the money against their bills and then they'd consider them paidf. Wouldn't that be great?
Ever notice that sometimes you can just tell that someone needs some lemon juice!
Okay, I'm ready for the day with a smile on my face :) Have a great weekend, Hannah!
Hannan...sooo funny. What a way to start a weekend off...smiles and laughter.
Hi Hannah,
too funny...especially since I'm Catholic and know the confessionals very well.
Hannah - Both zingers! Great job! :-D
That's funny! "Wipe that smile off your face" hahahahaha Been there, done that! (Only it with my husband, not a boyfriend. tee hee)
~Renae
thanks for the chuckles Hannah -
Hannah, these are both wonderfully funny! I've got a smile on my face!
"wipe that smile off your face" PRICELESS! Thanks for the laugh!!
Those are both very cute. Thank you for the laughs after a long day:)
Hannah--You put a smile on my tired face and a chuckle in my heart. Thanks for the humor, but I won't share this with my still Catholic mother. She would accuse me of sinning for telling such a story. Bye.
A woman once told me when she was young she confessed a sin to the priest and he exclaimed, "YOU DID WHAT?!". She said she never went back to confession and hasn't been in over thirty years!
Missed, Friday...catching up late. I'm going to rub my mortgage payment on the envelope instead of sending it...just might work